A 7 minute blog

I do not have much time to really write. My watch says that I have around 7 minutes. The whole day was so packed with so many activities and there was just no time to spend some time and really write something. So just bear with what I can come up with the little time and the speed of my fingers.

My legs are aching after running the 5 kilometer route after resting for so long. It was to begin the series of roadruns that we will have in the next coming days that is part of the two week long Leadership Enhancement Program that all of us are going through. In the afternoon we reviewed the battle drills and had fun throwing "grenades" at the plebes and observing how they react. Then just moments ago, I had to go through this session where I was to discuss important subjects regarding training to my fourthclass squadmates. Tomorrow will be an symposium about the Philippine Air Force as if they can convince me to join them instead of the Army. I really just hope that I can find time to do things that I want to do like writing my letters and blogging.

A friend of mine called this morning and asked me to write about the Project ISLAM. I gave him a copy of the article about the project that was to appear in the next Corps Magazine. He wanted me to have something shorter as his requirement is only about 1000 words. I am thinking of making the article more personal touching on the angle on being a soldier, a Christian and of course the effects of war. I'll see what I can think of

Well time is up... babush....

BS and random blogs

Is there a limit to one's BS as in Bilib sa sarili? I just came from this forum that was supposed to inspire me to become a good soldier once I graduate. Indeed, I was given a glimpse of the pressures that I will be faced with but I hated it when it became a question of pointing out to the audience that he is just so good, the speaker's BS makes me want to vomit. Although it is true that his achievements are commendable and impressive especially while still being a junior officer, but all of it is lost when he monopolizes the discussion with his greatness.

About a week ago, I was tasked to write for a magazine regarding the exploits of this officer. I have heard a lot of his accomplishments as he was my instructor last summer but I was only to learn the hard facts after a summary was given to me so that I can do the write-up. It was completely awesome. The thing is, I realized that sometimes it is not just whether or not you have something to be proud of, the kind of person you are also matters. It is true that some people have good credentials but it is not just those credentials that will speak for the person but also the king of person he or she exudes to the others that he or she will be dealing with. Just imagine this, we were shown a documentary made by a photo journalist. It highlighted the realities of war in Mindanao. It wasn't really about him but his exploits composed a big part of that documentary. When he showed it to us, most of the video was played at 1.5 speed for us not to understand what was happening. When it finally came to the point where he was the subject, he just pressed the button and it was played at normal speed. I hated the fact that he denied me the opportunity to appreciate the whole documentary as a whole simply because it was more imprtant to highlight how good he is. I hated that I do not understand the connection between his exploits and the war in mindanao. In the end, I hated that it was more of a showcase of how good he is rather than inspire me to emulate him.

Last night I started to rant about my frustration of not being able to go to L--a because I will not be going on break. In the past days, it is this thought that haunts me. Due to the recent things that are happening, I am beginning to imagine more and think of more innovative ways to reach out. The tangengot comment does not matter for that person basically has no idea what is happening and he is entitled to his opinion. As the days go by, I am beginning to think that I could do so much if only I was going on break. But then I have to just contain myself and save all my imaginations at the right time. This may not be something that I am happy about, but I know that in due time I will understand the wisdom why things have to be this way. I am still in my trance being so happy about everything despite of the break that I will not be able to avail.

My ears still ring but it getting better, maybe tomorrow it will be restored to its full hearing capability... I remember one quote that I would like to share... It is not about what you did, it is about how much love you placed in what you did...

Till then people...

Things that happened

My ears are still ringing. Earlier I was in this competition that tested our knowhow in basic military skills. These skills include, land navigation and map reading, signal cimmunication, weapons proficiency, markmanship and of course running. The participants were randomly selected from the whole company and I was one of the lucky picks. It was fun, trying my best to remember all the military knowledges that I learned. I assembled the weapons, fire several rounds of live ammunition, run 3.2 kilometers and had fun in the process. In the end, my team won the competition and it was all worth it, the sweat and the unavoidable mishap was all rewarded when we finally received our plaques from the Commandant himself.

Nothing really changed much only that as the days pass and the break gets closer and closer, I am beginning to feel the frustration that goes with not being allowed to go on break. In an e-mail I was asked by someone... Are you going to L--a? My reply was jolly but inside me is the frustration that I am not that rare opportunity to visit HER...

Anyway, I am not to begin another litany of frustrations, time is running out, tommorrow I promise to write something better than just the things that happen. I guess I am still in some sort of trance imagining beautiful that just carries me off my feet... I'm signing off.... I love you people....

God's Angel

I was browsing through many different websites trying to put myself in the right frame of mind so as to write something. I was trying to force myself to write something that made good sense considering that this might just be my last entry for the week. As the usual practice, there will be no internet connection on finals week which will begin tomorrow. And so, I jumped from one blog to another, to differend news items when one officer entered the laboratory I was occupying. He was dressed in his jacket and I knew him as the officer who once gave me one favor that changed my life.

I still consider going back to PMA as my biggest feat so far. I mean, raising fifty seven thousand from scratch for my eye operation, practically begging people to let me in and of course the one of a kind experience of self realization that has defined the person that I am now. But not many people actually knew who gave me that boost to really put me in. The one person who went out of his way to really see to it that I go back to PMA.

After finishing the week long Physical and Medical examination at V. Luna Medical Center in January 2004, I was faced with a very serious problem. I was told by the eye doctor at the hospital that I was disqualified because of my failing eyesight. I asked the usual question: "What must I do?" I was told that I should undergo a treatment known as Laser-assisted In Situ Keratomileusis or simply LASIK. It was an eye operation that would put my eyes under a laser beam to correct my vision. I did not know what that meant at first but just by listening to the name of the treatment, I knew it was going to be hard. I started asking around finally finding myself in St. Luke's Medical Center. I was told that the treatement would cost me fifty seven thousand.

By mid-February, I still did not have money for the treatment. I did not know what to do and time was running out. I was told that the list of incoming cadets will be deliberated upon and will be finalized by end of that month. There was simply no possibility that I can go through the operation by that time. I was hopeless and I cried myself to sleep. I thought that I just might not go back to PMA. But miracles happen and in this instance it was in the form of people going out of their way and just helping you. That was how it was for me. The officer I was talking about was once the head of the Office of Cadet Admissions. I sent him a text message and begged him. I do not have the slightest clue of what I was trying to achieve, I just thought that it was him that I should ask. He said as a reply to my text message that he can not promise anything but he will try. He then instructed me to report to him the following day. The next day, I told him my predicament, how I made it to that point and what are the things that I was doing. He gave me one look and asked me one question: "Are you really sure that you can raise the money for that treatment?" Eventhough I was still uncertain where to find the money I said yes. The next day I learned from the enlisted personnel in the PMA Liason in V. Luna that he went to the Chairman of the Medical Board and demanded that I be included in the list. He assured them that I was to go through the treatment. When the final list came out the week after, my name was there despite of still not going through the treatment. I do not know what caused that good officer to just take my word when I innocently said yes to his question, but it was an answer to my prayer. Eventually I did raise the money, went through the treatment and went back to PMA. It happened because one kind hearted officer, although did not know me trusted me and went out of his way to help me.

As that officer was going out, he noticed me. He went near me and tried to see my namecloth (my last name is sewn there) on my uniform. He looked at my face, then to my side where he noticed the chevron I was wearing. He then remarked, "Uy, secondclass ka na." I stood up and proudly said, "Yes sir!!!". He then asked me questions regarding my academics which I proudly announced that I have only one final exam, the others are all exempted. When he came out, I was so proud of myself. Maybe he just realized that he was not wrong when he did what he did about three years ago.

I guess he was my angel at that time. He was God's answer to my prayer revealing to me and I hope to other people as well that God works. It was a manifestation of how God orchestrates things, including people, to do things in our favor. In the process, it teaches us valuable lessons that will just change our lives forever.

Chatting with Cathy

I was chatting this afternoon trying to pass time promising myself not to sleep the whole afternoon so that I can sleep when it is time to sleep tonight. I was able to chat with a long time friend, Cathy, and made some realizations that I will be sharing in this blog entry.

The thing with Cathy is that we were classmates in Grade 1 as little children who did not know anything in the world. We then saw each other again in Dumaguete as College students. I just felt that the situation we had was serendipitous (is there such a word?) so that somehow became a factor that after sometime I could say that we became friends. I left for PMA the first time around got discharged, had a series of mishaps, went back to PMA and then we somehow reconnected through friendster. When we used to talk about things before, it was often our point of argument of who was the third honor award. I am very confident that I was the one and yet she insists that she is and tells me that she still has the ribbon with her. Chatting with her this afternoon, that became the jump off of our conversation.

For the two of us Grade one was like the last time we ever got an academic award. We advanced in school but we never really strived for good grades. I concluded that it maybe because we were validated early on as children with brains inside our head that growing up we did not find good grades as something that we should strive for. We just knew that we were not dumb. The memories of school came back inside my head and even now I still wonder how I passed subjects like Chemitry, Biology and even Filipino. When I took up Biology here in PMA I realized that I did not learn anything in Biology as a second year student then in Dumaguete. I remembered how it was so hard for me to study for Calculus as a yearling last year and how I just cried because I was afraid I was to be turned back or discharged if I will not be able to raise my grade. I had to make that hard effort to really study for my lessons and even feel weird while doing it because I spent the last, say, more than 10 years of my life in school without developing a study habit. In the final analysis, I learned that something was damaged to me when I got that honor back when Cathy and I were classmates (it doesn't matter now who got the third). Have I not exerted extra effort to repair that damage last year, I would have bade PMA goodbye. But the more important issue here is that are we really learning the things that are important because of the recognition given to us by other people? Are those who excelled in their academics later on the people who were not validated as little children such that they became imprisoned by this constant search of being acknowledged as someone who has the brains?

I am still trying to think about this matter and I do not have a conclusion. Maybe lessons in life are learned in different ways and that there is not clear cut formula. As Cathy would put "trying to be smart is not that smart thing to do." I guess each of us will learn the lessons of life in a way that is unique to us. The same experience may not have the same effect to another person. What we get out of every experience we have will only be according to how we percieve it. We may stumble and learn that we must change our ways but in the end life is a series of mishaps that could cause us to fail or be our building blocks to being successful at any endeavor we will go into.

Cathy left the chatroom after around 30 minutes. I logged in to blogger and typed this thought. Maybe just like the lesson I learned in receiving that still contested third honor, I will also learn a lesson or two even in conversations with another person from another part of the country. This time around, I think Cathy will not argue with me anymore.