A Tribute

As cadets in Baguio, the dreaded one minute prayer is a constant reminder of how life is being a soldier. When these announcements are made together with familiar names, the silence inside the mess hall is deafening. Everyone tries to remember the person who just paid the ultimate sacrifice for this country. In that one minute, there is a vast of emotions felt by everybody that is never captured. When the one minute expires, everybody would pretend that life goes back to normal. Unknown to many, in each of a fallen comrade, whether the one who passed away was someone close or just someone we know, a sting is left inside the heart, the pain lingers and one tries to be strong-- to be brave. While many from our ranks as PMA graduates perish defending this country, the feeling never changes, it never makes us numb. In truth, we become inspired to do our jobs better, not just for fear that we might be the next to pass but to stop the senseless death of these soldiers going out to those dangerous areas so that many of our countrymen will be able to experience the life that they deserve, free from those who wish to destroy our institutions.

However painful the death of a comrade is, we continue the fight for we believe that in some distant future nobody will have to die these kinds of death. The memories of those who went ahead become our moral compass to remind us of the deeper value of our profession. It becomes more of a regular job rather it becomes a crusade to end the enemies of these state in every little way that we can.

Today, as my class gathers to remember our fallen classmate, the Late 2Lt Jeffrey Domingo, who was killed last year in an ambush conducted by members of the New People's Army in Barangay Manurigao, New Bataan, Compostela Valley, another one falls. Marine Lieutenant Dulan Cordero of PMA 2006 was killed in a bomb explosion at Patikul, Sulu.

This song was posted at Facebook by a very talented upperclass in memory of all those who paid the ultimate sacrifice. I felt that the song had to reach a wider audience for this is the first time that there is one song that truly captures the emotion of losing a fellow comrade in arms. This song is dedicated to all those who perished defending this country and those like us who are still fighting.

PARA SA'YO MISTAH (Eulogy)

Originally sang and composed:SUPASTAH (Chat '06)

Alam kong wala ka na MISTAH...

Ngunit nais lng kitang maalala

Ako man ngayo'y naghihinagpis

Sa maaga mong pag-alis

Masaya na rin ako pagkat

Sa ating bansa ika'y naging TAPAT

Nasaan ka man ngayon...

Nais kitang maging mahinahon

ASAHAN mong itutuloy koAng LABAN na SINUMPAAN mo

At gagawin ko ang LAHAT-LAHAT

Upang ang pag-alis mo ay maging SAPAT

Ang awitin kong ito'ypara sa'yo MISTAH

Upang kahit nasa malayo ka na

At alam kong di na babalik pa

May isang kantang magpapaalala

Ng 'yong KAGITINGAN sa ating bansa

Paulit-ulit ko itong aawitin

ISASAPUSO at ITATANIM sa damdamin

Ito ang nais namin sa'yon sambitin...

SALAMAT... SALAMAT... SALAMAT sa'yo MISTAH...

ITO and nais namin sa'yong sambitin

SALAMAT... SALAMAT...at PAALAM na MISTAH

In memory of Domeng

Last year, around this time, my classmate was killed in an ambush in Barangay Manurigao, New Bataan, Compostela Valley. He was our first casualty. I wrote my thoughts in this blog entry. Please join me in celebrating the heroism of my beloved classmate and comrade in arms...

Doms, saan ka man ngayon... dun ka na lang... hehehe... But kidding aside, as Strong Hearts would put it:

"And when the taps shall sung for men,
Banners drape our last remain
Let Singing Comrades bury me to the echo of the strain
For hearts are strong in thee my dear, forever it will be

Young blood shall come to carry on
When the old strong hearts are gone"

And then there were Three

I have no intention to write a blog right now, but a thought keeps on coming out of my head. In my experience, these kind of thoughts are ideas that I have that often come out well when I write it. I am hoping this will come out good as well.

The things that I do now seem to revolve around a little baby girl that smiles very adorably. In the past days that she has been with us, it has been my observation that her actions are like that of a 6 month old baby. Looking at her, I just feel that her movements are somewhat "oldie" for her. But of course, it tickles me when I watch her innocence.

A few months back, I did not know that things will turn out very good as what it is now. You see, the real reason that I did not write much about me getting married and then having a baby is that I, too did not expect that things will happen the way it is supposed to happen. It just happen the way it did.

Getting married was more stressful than what I thought it would be. I think I have never been that disorganized in my whole life than the days leading up to my wedding. But I must say that it was not the act of getting married that stressed me out, it was more of the preparations and all the things in my head most especially the financial aspect of it. When it was finally over, I was more than happy to embrace marriage with my wife and the wonderful life after it. We did not have much of honeymooning to do as she was already pregnant. The beauty of it was that immediately, we had something to share and something to look forward to. I am not so sure how is it with other couples but I enjoy my wife the most when we talk about plans for the future, about our life ahead together and the family that we will be building together. The moments that I could remember very well are those that we spend lying in bed together just talking about these things until late in the evening.

When her tummy got bigger, I began to develop another enjoyment. If I was not talking to the little girl inside her tummy, I would be very comfortable putting my hand over it. Sometimes, when I had to be out for several days, I would miss holding that tummy. I think its the amazement of the life growing inside her and the fact that it was my daughter inside her. When we lie in bed and talk about so many things, we would fall asleep with my hand securely fastened over her tummy. Somehow, I felt very secured sleeping in that position. When in public and I find it awkward to kiss my wife, I would just hold her tummy and get the same feeling as that when I kiss her.

As the months progressed and she was getting closer to giving birth, our conversations became more concrete on the things that we wanted to do. On her last check-up, she was excited as ever. When her doctor said that her cervix has already opened up (4 cm), we were surprised, she was feeling normal. We were instructed to go to the hospital on the same day. Well, we did that after she ate her favorite dessert in the mall.

In the labor room, I was the only one allowed to be with her. Somehow, it made me feel easier since she was just smiling while the other women in labor around her were already in so much pain. I loved her more realizing how strong she is as a woman. After she delivered our little girl, it was as if she just came back from jogging. Well, I am proud of her and at the time happy that she delivered normally. When I finally saw our little girl in the nursery from the viewing room, I can not describe my feeling. I did not have anybody with me and nobody to share any of what I am feeling. When other people comment how cute my baby is, it was as if my heart got bigger.

The sad news came when we learned that the baby had to stay at the hospital for some minor complications. Going home from the hospital without a baby was very sad. I hope not many first-time parents will be able to experience it. The first night out of the hospital without our baby, was simply painful. I hated touching her already soft belly, it was as if the absence of our baby is being shoved into my senses. I kept stopping myself from bothering our pediatrician about the status of our baby. I understood it was for the best but was confronted with the feeling of absence of my daughter. When she was finally to be released two days after, I had the biggest smile. My princess is finally going home.

Well, fatherhood changes a lot of things about a person. For me who had thought of being a father back when I did not even had a girlfriend, it is so fulfilling how things come into place without us realizing that these are the thigns that we have aspired and prayed for long ago. As men, we are often expected to percieve being a parent differently from our wives. Now, I realized that those are just things that have been molded by our patriarchal culture. I am glad to accept now that although I may not be always be ready to talk about it, becoming a parent is the ultimate fulfillment of any person. To nurture a young child will definitely be a wonderful experience.

Now going back to the thought that lead me to write this piece. My head simply reiterates the words: And then there were three. Well three there is, a good number to start a family.

God Bless you people

A Star from Heaven

I am hoping to capture my emotion over the birth of my beautiful baby girl who was born healthy last 13 September. I am hoping that in the future she will be able to read my thoughts and be reminded how loved she is.

I always wanted a daughter. I have a very long explanation why I wanted a daughter but that would have to be in a different blog, for now I just want to write how I feel about the whole miracle of being given a wonderful gift from God.

People say that first time fathers would have many different feelings when their child is about to be born. For my part I was more excited that worried. Somehow, I was having this feeling of confidence that all will be well. I have faith that my wife will be able to go through with her labor pains and delivery very well and I knew I was ready for fatherhood. What went through my mind mostly was the things that I wanted to do with my daughter when she is able to bond with his father. More importantly how will I be as a father to her.

Being in the military, I knew this was difficult. In my experience as a son of a military man, there were very few instances when my father had the time to be with us. Deciding to join the military, this was one of the very serious issues that were part of the considerations in my decision. The clincher was that others have done it and so can I.

Most of my friends think that I have already thought of the whole thing and that it would be very easy for me. Well, its true that I have done a lot of thought about fatherhood per sec, but nothing really prepares one for the coming of a human being that is given under your care. I think no amount of philosophy or know how can explain the whole experience of fatherhood unless one has to really do it. And so, I went to my life philosophies and remember the things that I value most in this life.

I want her to grow up believing that family is the basic foundation of anything in this world. I want her to always remember that it is from the family where all of life's fulfillment comes from and that no amount of success in whatever field can compensate for failure in the family.

I want her to know that the life that we live has nothing to do with certainty. And it is because of that that one has to develop an attitude of faith based on principles coming from a supreme being. A life lived in faith of a wonderful God who takes care of all our worries is a life lived to the fullest. It is also a life that is not bothered by the bitter realities of the world but one that is sheltered with hopeful endeavors always for the good no matter the diffuculties. More importantly, it is a life lived with contentment and noble aspirations.

Finally I want her to always live by the wisdom of the fox in the Little Prince. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.

I want my beautiful Star to remember that I prayed for her and she was given to me. I want her to know that although I will never be able to the best in all of the things that I will go into (including fatherhood), my most important accomplishment will always be being a father to her and maybe to others that will follow after. With this blog as my witness, I am believing that ll will be well no matter the circumstances. Please pray for me people.

For more of her pictures visit my multiply site

Silliman University: Soaring through 108

I just realized recently that in this blog, I have always highlighted my being from PMA. I will try to correct that now in time with the 108th Founding Anniversary of my another alma mater, Silliman University. I also have to point out that much of the things that I am thankful now were nurtured while studying in this revered institution.

My parents at one point have been Sillimanians. My mother graduated from Silliman High School in 1968 and Political Science in 1972 while my father took a year as a Political Science student before he went to PMA. It was really my mother who insisted that I study there; and with the many stories I have heard from her and my other relatives (who were practically a bunch of Sillimanians), it was not a suprise that I was very much excited when the time came that I was to enter the lofty portals of Silliman University.

I was 12 years old and as I recall it now it was not that easy. I did not know anybody since I left all my friends in Manila where I graduated elementary. As an added problem, although I understood Cebuano, I did not know how to speak it. My only consolation was that my elder brother was with me (he was in fourth year then). I could remember how I felt very different with the new environment. My classmates sort of knew each other as most of them graduated from Silliman Elementary School. Those of us who were new (especially me) knew nothing of everything.

My first friend was someone that I sat with in THE Class (that's Technology and Home Economics). I remembered asking him how to have my School ID. Since he had been in Silliman all his life, he had all the information I needed. He accompanied me to a local photo studio Image Bank where I had my picture taken and then brought me to Hibbard Hall to process it. From that point on we became good friends. To this day, he remains a very good friend everytime I visit Dumaguete.

I can not fully remember how things happened in school then but every now and then I can remember bits and pieces of it when something triggers it. In one occassion I was out with one friend who was then at UP Diliman. We were walking around the campus when the Acacia trees reminded me of the Silliman Campus. I remember most especially the one in front of Silliman High School where I will sit and wait. I remember then how I will ask all the people that I know who passes there for one peso. I would reason that I need it for fare (at that time fare was 2 pesos). By the time I decide to leave that place, I would have around 50 pesos in my pocket. Today, that same act is called "kotong."

High School banter was also a large part of how my life was. I could remember how I ended up inside the Principal's Office to explain why my class went on an outing over the weekend without getting school permission. That was my task as Class President and remembering it now, I would believe that it was primarily the reason why I was elected president in the first place -- to answer to the principal when we get involve in any form of mischief.

I also could not forget how clueless a Korean classmate on the hysteria of the whole Silliman High School when some all-male group entered the Gymnasuim. That all-male group was the Eraserheads who just recently released their Circus Album. Then there was one teacher who always wore violet (I hope she's not reading this) to school, up to now I can not explain how I passed her biology subject. That teacher by the way had a PhD.

Well, I was not entirely bad. I mean those were normal for High School students. In spite of those shortcomings, I was very much involved in Boy Scouting and Debating. I was part of the group that hike to Balinsasayaw Twin Lakes. I think today it's easier to go there but back when I was in Third Year High School, it was very very difficult. I went to a National Jamboree and was the Scout Representative for the Local Executive Board of the Boy Scouts. My only frustration in scouting is that I was not able to make it to Eagle Scout, I was a few months short as I already graduated from high school.

Anyway, the point of this blog is that I am thankful for the experience that I had studying in Silliman University. It was there that I met countless friends that have a very special place in my heart. It was there that I learned the value of education and at the same time be able to enjoy that fact. Today I find myself realizing the value of education as I go about my task now as part of the Armed Forces.

Of course, the Silliman Spirit is a familiar feeling that I try to find every now and then. When one goes to a different place, we find some sense of connection. When I first came here, I was able to meet one Sillimanian. Our conversation took us back to the Silliman Campus that gave the feeling of nostalgia. When something makes such a big impact in your life, it can never really be forgotten.

Last week, I received a text message from the Matriarch of CAUSE Party. For those who know Silliman, CAUSE Party is a political party in campus. Technically a political party for the Student Government, its actually a family that has grown through the years from its humble beginning as a mere group wanting to serve the Silliman Studentry. Back in the days, I was part of the Student Government that lead the studentry of the University to a mass walk-out in the class rooms to protest the series of tuition fee increases in the past years. I look back to that experience and still consider it as part of the highlight of being a Sillimanian, I'm sure that all the others with me have the same sentiment. The text message was asking for confirmation whether or not I will attend the slated Grand Reunion. Inasmuch as I want to, I had so many things to do plus of course the coming of my baby girl in a few weeks time. I confirmed that I was not coming filled with wonderful memories as a Sillimanian.

After my graduation from PMA, I attended my cousin's pinning ceremony as a new nurse. Singing the Silliman Song was such a wonderful feeling. I promised myself that my children will be able to experience the same feeling. I feel that the experience is just so good not to share it with them. Thinking of how it had been not so long ago I am realizing how true Silliman Song is as it becomes a monument in the life of everyone who has passed through her halls.

"...Silliman our Alma Mater

Ever lovely ever dear..."

(Note: The picture I used is the banner in the Silliman Website, I hope the owner of the banner will not take it against me)