A Chronicle of my whole day at Chatworld

I was trying my best not to post again today. I wanted to observe this rule that I made that I will only have one blog entry for a day. But spending the whole day in front of the computer and just being able to read all kinds of things has just given me so much thoughts that I feel not putting it is a betrayal why this blog is here in the first place. So I will write it and hope that after this my mind is not full again with so many unexpressed thoughts.

After the entry below, I kind of retreated to some chit chat with the few friends that were online. First was Armi, who was my friend from a long time ago. We got acquainted over a meal in Shakey's which I insisted was her treat after chatting with her at YM. Perhaps she does not remember that I promised her that if ever we really became friends I will reciprocate by treating her. That promise was around 4 years ago, now she is happily married and has already given birth to young kid. Our topic was about her brother in law who is now a yearling and my company mate. Next is Hanna, who recently had an entry on her blog about the remarks that I have been receiving from people who do not like the ideas I present here. She was asking me about a concern that sprung from the fact that she is soon to be the bride of my upperclass. We talked about marrying INTO the military (I will elaborate on it in future entries). And then there was Esme, who was a friend from a conference I attended last year. She was young, beautiful but sadly naive. I am hoping that she gathered a little wisdom from our conversation. Then I visited this blog that I go to once in a while. This post is just so funny. A simple observation that we failed to notice but if you really think about it is plainly stupid. There is also Tita Liza who showed me the love that I needed to make my day better. Well, having lost a mother everyone who shows me motherly love is certainly very welcome. I thank God for this people who reminds me of things and gives me a little something to think about every now and then. The highlight of the chatting world for me was the appearance of Aylnn. It wasn't that there was something to talk about, it was because this was a rare opportunity. For her to be finally "not busy" is a great moment. In her words: "I'd been to hell and back." Akalain mo yun nakapunta na sya ng hell?

Well not to bore you with my chatter I will simply post the chat log of one conversation I had with a friend. Just read it and find out why I posted the log in the first place. Remember that the conversation is as raw as it can get, pay more attention to the sense of the conversation. Here it is:

[15:04] friend: kasi im having doubts...
[15:04] friend: i dont know what to do with this guy
[15:04] me: what about him?
[15:06] friend: alm mo yun, rarely do u meet someone p nagjjive yung intellectual level nyo. let's say you are seeing ourself in that person
[15:06] friend: n nagjjive*
[15:07] me: so what about it?
[15:07] friend: pero syempre in one aspect lang kayo compatible
[15:08] friend: ...teka, tuloy ko muna ang kwento
[15:08] me: ito tanong what is it that you are worried about? worried ka kasi you seem to like the idea of being with the person?
[15:08] friend: kind of.... but i want to him a lesson.... and he too wants to teach me a lesson....
[15:08] friend: to teach*
[15:09] me: teka nga first let us examine things
[15:09] me: ano ba ang gusto mong mangyari?
[15:09] me: sige nga magtapatan tayo
[15:10] friend: ....there are times i want to be with the person na di ko alam ang reason, i jsut want to be with the person
[15:11] me: dyan pa lang mali ka na
[15:11] friend: but i dont tell him that
[15:11] friend: of course i dont tell him that
[15:11] me: ganito kasi yun
[15:11] me: ano ba ang dahilan why people go into relationships?
[15:11] friend: pero sya he always tell me that
[15:12] me: sagutin mo muna tanong ko
[15:12] friend: ewan ko.. that's what i told him, i am poor on relationships
[15:13] me: alam mo we young people have this perception that we go into relationships for the purpose of having a companion
[15:13] me: in reality a relationship is a prelude to marriage
[15:13] friend: for me, di ganun kababaw ang reason para magenter sa relationship
[15:13] me: yun talaga yun
[15:14] me: ginawa lang natin kasi masarap ang feeling ng being with someone
[15:15] friend: ganto kasi, i dont do whatever i feel like doing right away
[15:15] friend: sympre pinapakaisip ko muna
[15:15] me: hindi mo naman sinasagot yung tanong ko eh
[15:15] me: whatever your reason is if it is not marriage then it is not a valid reason
[15:15] me: at least that is how I see it
[15:16] friend: though my feeling would tell me to approach this guy, di ko magawa. all this time dnededma ko lang sya. ngayon, di ko alam kung tama ba ang ginagawa ko.
[15:16] me: hay nako bata ka pa nga esmeralda
[15:16] me: entering into a relationship is not about feelings always remember that
[15:17] me: pag ganyan ang mentality natin we only expose ourselves to more trouble
[15:17] friend: kasi nmn, ngangayon ko nga pinapansin etong feeling ko.
[15:17] friend: grrrhhh...
[15:18] me: it is enough to be thankful that we are appreciated by other people
[15:18] me: grabe sa panahon ngayon everybody wants to be with someone
[15:18] friend: at nga2yon ako nag-iisip ng ganto
[15:18] me: parang abnormal ko if you are singel
[15:18] friend: di ah... yoko nga ng commitment
[15:19] me: yun nga so bakit mo iniisip yung nararamdaman mo with another person if you are not even willing to commit
[15:20] me: my dear there is more to life than what the world is making us believe
[15:20] friend: well siguro this guy just fills in one need of mine, but not totally...
[15:21] me: alam mo ma'am do not fast track things
[15:22] me: hintayin natin syang kusang dumating
[15:22] friend: di nmn sya special.. basta when he came across my life, he brought me something i never knew i neeeded.
[15:23] me: yun nga eh alam mo pala yung mga bagay na yan
[15:23] me: and yet you entertain the thoughts
[15:23] me: alam mo before we go into something we must always examine our intentions
[15:24] friend: i mean, ngayon ko lang narealize n i was looking for that something long ago... unaware lang ako n i was looking for it
[15:24] me: the do it at the proper time
[15:24] friend: and when he came, i realized that.........
[15:24] me: is it an immediate need?
[15:25] me: hindi kabawasan ng pagkatao mo if you stay single even for your lifetime
[15:25] friend: kind of... di pa depende sa principle ko
[15:25] friend: noh, it's not that i need a boyfriend
[15:25] friend: i am sure of that, i do not need one.
[15:25] me: so ano ang kailangan mo?
[15:26] me: ano nga?
[15:27] me: tao po
[15:28] friend: well i dont act based on what i need.......
[15:28] friend: ewan ko....
[15:28] friend: !
[15:28] me: alam mo it seems that you are being defensive
[15:29] friend: then i told u about this unaware need kanina, bad ako....
[15:29] me: ha?
[15:29] friend: ewan ko talaga... alam mo kasi, if i have answer, i do answer.
[15:29] me: yun nga eh
[15:29] friend: and if i told u i dont know, i really dont know
[15:30] me: ito yun
[15:30] me: you can not allow someone to be part of your life kung ikaw mismo hindi mo kilala sarili mo
[15:30] friend: well siguro dedma ko sya kasi i am never sure of what i am feeling
[15:30] friend: go on...
[15:31] me: alam mo if you do things for the wrong reason you are only exposing yourself to more danger
[15:31] me: the way I see it now hindi mo nga kilala sarili mo
[15:31] me: ikaw mismo nalilito sa sarili mo
[15:32] me: how do you expect that someone to understand you kung ikaw mismo hindi mo maintindihan sarili mo
[15:32] friend: i see...
[15:33] me: see the logic?
[15:33] friend: infatuation lang to i know
[15:33] me: yun nga kasi you feel so good kaya we say that it is love
[15:33] me: alam mo love is not a feeling or anything
[15:33] friend: and then i try to deny what i feel kasi i have fears
[15:33] me: it is who we are
[15:33] me: ewan ko kung nagragrasp mo yung concept ha
[15:34] me: alam mo yung definition nya sa bible?
[15:34] friend: and i dont wanna talk about love kasi
[15:34] me: yun nga eh
[15:34] me: you have to know what it is for you to understand it and distinguish it from other good feelings that you feel inside
[15:34] friend: and i find it REALLY hard to entrust my feeling to someone
[15:35] me: yun pa diba love is always trusting
[15:35] me: dun palang wala ka na
[15:35] friend: i cant do that now
[15:35] me: yun nga love comes at a time when we are ready to embrace it
[15:35] me: sabi ko nga it is not a feeling
[15:35] me: it is a state of who we are
[15:36] friend: so right love at a wrong time is non-existent?
[15:36] me: ganito yun
[15:36] me: the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing
[15:36] me: kahit hindi love
[15:38] me: uy
[15:38] me: andyan ka pa?
[15:38] friend: sige bahala n lang sya...
[15:38] me: ay hindi bahala sya
[15:39] friend: i told him to work hard
[15:39] me: hindi pwedeng ganun
[15:39] me: the truth remains that the person feels something for you
[15:39] me: and it is wrong to just dismiss people's feelings
[15:40] me: nasubukan mo na yung masamang masama ang loob mo over something tapos parang people do not care
[15:40] friend: kasi eto yung attitude ko pagdating sa guys, parang "they should come chasing after me." there's no ay i will support them, aba eh di pag-igihin nila...
[15:41] me: yun nga eh kasi you see yourself as a chase
[15:41] me: do you honestly admit na yun lang ang value mo?
[15:41] me: c'mon
[15:41] me: you are more than that
[15:41] friend: yun na pinag-iisipan ko ngayon.....
[15:42] me: see
[15:42] friend: that's why i wanna figure things out
[15:42] me: ikaw mismo binababa mo yung sarili as a mere chase
[15:42] friend: kaya nabobother ako nang ganto
[15:42] me: pag ganyan ang tingin mo sa sarili mo people will treat you that way also
[15:42] me: ikaw din
[15:42] friend: treat me like what?...
[15:43] me: they will treat you as if you are someone to catch
[15:43] me: parang a price to be won
[15:43] me: ganun
[15:44] friend: i am not easy-to-get lang talaga... swear.
[15:45] me: pero kaya kang makuha
[15:45] me: yun ang point
[15:45] me: it takes only one person who can sweep you off your feet and then what's next?
[15:45] friend: wala ngang makakuha eh
[15:45] me: sabi mo lang yun
[15:46] friend: and then what's next?
[15:46] me: hindi mo alam kung ano kayang gawin ng lalake to pursue a girl
[15:46] me: ako pa sinabihan mo nyan
[15:46] me: yun nga ang tanong ko sa'yo eh
[15:47] me: if you see yourself as a chase after the chase what happens
[15:47] friend: and u know what a girl like me truly needs and wants.
[15:47] me: hindi yun ang issue
[15:48] me: hindi ko alam kung ano nga kailangan mo pero kaya kitang bolahin na magiging feeling mo in love ka sa akin
[15:48] me: that is modesty speaking ha
[15:48] me: madaling gawin yun
[15:48] me: but a man whose intention is just for the catch will definitely just use you
[15:49] me: hindi ka talaga nya mamahalin kasi you are just some conquest
[15:49] friend: after the chase, what happens?
[15:49] me: after you are conquered he moves on to another conquest
[15:49] friend: okay i select only few who can chase me....
[15:49] friend: unless matinik tlga sila/sya.
[15:49] me: sus marami ka pa ngang hindi alam sa mundo ms balita
[15:50] me: yun nga eh sabi ko sa'yo kahit ako kaya kitang bolahin na feeling mo inlove ka na sa akin
[15:50] me: pero hindi naman ganun yun eh
[15:51] friend: yun pa, i know very well that men can use girl... bolahin, paibigin.... that is why i dont trust them.......
[15:51] me: yun nga but if you do not know how to guard yourself you will be persuaded
[15:52] friend: alam mo ba na everytime may sabihin sakin ang isang guy, i would/will always doubt his sincerity
[15:52] friend: even a friend...
[15:53] friend: kaya di ako matahimik eh, lagi ako nagddoubt, nagkuquestion............
[15:53] friend: wala akong paniwalaan, i dont take their words seriously
[15:53] friend: nakocornihan ako
[15:53] me: well sincerity is felt by the heart
[15:54] me: madali namang mag i love you to everyone eh
[15:54] me: but really meaning it yun ang iba
[15:54] friend: EASIER SAID THAN DONE....
[15:54] me: you can even really mean it without actually saying it
[15:54] me: the tendency kasi for most people is that they dwell with the feeling
[15:54] me: syempre masarap kaya yung pinupuri ka
[15:54] me: and all that
[15:54] me: but it is more than that
[15:55] me: sabi ko nga hindi yan feeling
[15:55] me: love is who we are
[15:55] friend: that point sir... in fact, i hate it when one praises/complements me
[15:55] me: akala mo lang yun
[15:55] me: nagpapakadefensive ka lang
[15:56] friend: swear... ayoko makarinig ng ganun.
[15:56] friend: bingi ako dun eh... bolero kaagad iniisip ko kapag ganun
[15:56] me: hindi ako naniniwala
[15:56] me: baka naman kasi hindi marunong yung nagsabi
[15:56] me: syempre parang speech yan
[15:57] me: may delivery ding kasama
[15:57] friend: di sana ang tagal ko na nainlove.. sana ang tagal ko na nagka boyfriend
[15:57] me: hindin ka pa nga nakakatagpo ng mga natural na bolero
[15:57] me: buti na lang matino na ako nung nakilala mo ako
[15:57] me: hahaha
[15:57] friend: hate u!
[15:58] me: ayaw mo kasing maniwala eh
[15:58] me: sinasabi ko sa'yo if I really wanted to kaya kong pasagutin kahit sinong babae
[15:58] me: bigyan nya lang ako ng chance to really be with her
[15:58] me: promise!!!
[15:58] me: at hindi yabang yun
[15:58] me:
[15:59] friend: and what if the girl doesnt give u chance
[15:59] me: by the looks kung hindi kayo makakapag usap paano mo sya mabobola
[15:59] friend: isa p yan, i hate the word promise pa...
[15:59] me: yun lang naman ang minimum requirement
[16:00] me: there has to be an opportunity
[16:00] friend: im the kind of girl who doesnt give chances kasi..
[16:00] me: yun ang akala mo
[16:00] me: pero you like conversations like this
[16:00] friend: for me, u dont ask for chance,,, u work for it.
[16:00] me: sus akala mo lang yun
[16:01] me: isipin mo na lang paano mo naisip na medyo type mo na yung guy na sinasabi mo kanina
[16:01] me: and he wasn't even good
[16:01] me: hahaha
[16:01] friend: sa yo iba, cause u r a friend
[16:01] me: yun nga eh
[16:01] me: If I had other things in mind kaya ko namang mag take advantage eh
[16:01] friend: the feeling.
[16:01] me: kung gugustuhin ng lalake merong paraan
[16:02] me: alam mo you are wired a female
[16:02] me: it takes only an understanding how females are
[16:02] friend: yun, kung gugustuhin ng lalaki merong paraan
[16:02] friend: traditional
[16:02] me: anong traditional?
[16:02] friend: + patience
[16:03] me: hay nako remember a popular dialogur from ally mcbeal
[16:03] friend: no one's weird.
[16:03] me: yung we all have criterias for the perfect guy but at the back of our minds the right one is always the exception?
[16:04] friend: hala, gasgas na yan..
[16:04] friend: isa pa wala akong criteria
[16:04] me: as in wala talaga?
[16:04] me: maniwala ako sa'yo
[16:04] me: ano yung sinasabi mo kaning intellectual level chenes
[16:04] me: di'ba criteria yun
[16:05] friend: hello pag mahal mo ang tao, di mo na iisipin yun. sa simula lang yun
[16:05] me: uy defensive na naman
[16:05] me: pero criteria di'ba?
[16:05] me: sus alam mo in the span of our conversation alam ko na na you are so vulnerable
[16:06] me: kaya ikaw be careful with your heart, beautiful ka pa naman
[16:06] me: ikaw din
[16:07] friend: yan nagpapansin n nmn etong guy na to
[16:07] friend: dedma ko....
[16:07] friend: 'thanks for saying that i am vulnerable
[16:07] friend: i was waiting for someone who'd tell me that.
[16:08] me: yun nga eh masyado na kasi nating na hype up yung sarili natin
[16:08] me: akala natin hindi tayo tinatablan
[16:08] friend: wag mo ngang sabihing ako'y beautiful.. dagdag bola lang yun
[16:08] me: eh totoo naman
[16:08] me: alam mo ba pag nakikita ng mga tao yung pictures natin ang una nilang tinatanong eh ikaw
[16:08] me: promise
[16:09] me: pasalamat ka mahal ko ang mga friends ko
[16:09] friend: so?,...
[16:09] me: hay nako cadets will be cadets
[16:09] me: ako mismo wala akong tiwala sa kapwa ko kadete
[16:10] friend: stereotyping, maawa k s kanila.
[16:10] me: just believe me
[16:10] me: iisang classification na nga kami
[16:10] friend: "just believe me" gasgas n yan
[16:10] me: maniwala ka sa akin kasi ako yung kadete
[16:11] friend: be careful with what u say, especially to me..
[16:11] me: yun ang ibig kong sabihin
[16:11] me: alam mo nakakatawa ka
[16:11] me: you have this tendency to think na you are in control of the situation
[16:11] me: alam mo yun
[16:12] me: if I was scheming against you naloko na kita
[16:12] me: don't be like that
[16:12] friend: bakit nmn.... i know i should be VERY careful nga
[16:13] friend: akala mo nmn ganun ka kagaling mag scheme.../
[16:13] me: remember hindi mo ako kilala
[16:13] me: ikaw din
[16:13] me: hahaha
[16:13] friend: that's why i should be VERY careful
[16:14] me: well bahala ka kung ano iisipin mo tungkol sa akin
[16:14] friend: thanks for warning me
[16:14] me: sabi ko nga intentions are determined by the heart
[16:15] friend: pakisabi sa mga kadete, photogenic lang ako!
[16:16] me: actually hindi ko na lang ine entertain
[16:16] me: hinahayaan ko na lang sila
[16:17] me: nakakatawa no kasi parang ang dami kong alam pero hindi rin naman talaga
[16:17] me: hahaha
[16:17] me:
[16:18] me: natahimik ka?
[16:20] friend: i think it's not about how much u know, but rather about WHAT u know
[16:21] me: alam mo kung sana ang problema ko sa pag-ibig ay kasing babaw lang ng sayo
[16:21] me: ang saya sana
[16:22] friend: matanda ka na kasi eh ako bata pa
[16:23] me: hwag mo namang ipag diinan na matanda ako
[16:23] me: hahaha
[16:24] me: tatanda ka rin hehehe