The language of a loving heart

Today I will write about love. I guess love is all around me these past days and its inevitable, I can not brush it off. As I was roaming around the library the yesterday looking for books I can read, I chanced upon this book entitled The Greatest Letters of all Times. It was an old book, hardbound and by the looks of it is old. I was not able to find out when the book was published but I was able to browse through its content. It was a compilation of letters written by the great people of history from Napoleon Bonaparte to Victor Hugo, Dostoyevsky and other great men. The topics ranged from pleading for mercy, to waging war and of course love letters. Of course I immediately went to the section on love letters and I was touched by the love story of two greatest poets as illustrated in the love letters they sent to each other: Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett.

Robert Browning first heard of Elizabeth Barrett through her poems. Elizabeth then who only had admiration to Browning because of his works was immediately impressed when he sent her a letter telling her of how he was touched by her poems. From this initial exchange of letters, Elizabeth Barrett became Elizabeth Browning even against his father's liking. She was never forgiven by her father and yet the love story that she shared with Browning is considered as one of the most celebrated romance of all time. With this feeling Elizabeth got the inspiration to write her most popular work ever, 43 of Sonnets from the Portuegese and it read:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints!---I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!---and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

The language of the heart does transcend time and it pierces through the soul of anyone who has known love. I personally feel that the poem is what it is now because it is clearly the language of a loving heart, a heart that was freed and dared to give everything for love.

Amusing Blogs: Gael's Letters

This blog is a creation of a Bratmate's wife. By bratmate I mean that our fathers are classmates (by classmates it just means that they graduated in the same PMA Class) in the Academy. I drew the sword in their wedding and although we are not exactly close, the fact that we have something in common kind of makes me relate to the things that she goes through. What is special about this blog is that it is addressed to a young child who just turned one year old recently. The blog basically tells the different things that happen to her, as a military wife, a mother, a working mom and simply being herself. What amazes me is the amount of love that is shown in each of the entries. The way she tries to make do out of her cicumstances and yet be optimistic of the things that are to come. Her frustrations are so natural and yet her reaction is something that not many people can actually apply in their own lives. Here is a woman who simply wanted to enjoy life and is doing it despite of the realities that she is faced with. Perhaps what makes this blog very close to my heart is that to some extent it mirrors the same feelings that my mother had raising me and my other siblings. The blog clearly exposes the human spirit at its best conquering the daily difficulties that each of us face.

Punyeta!!!

Punyeta....

Kanina nagsusulat na ako ng bigla akong nabored kasi trying hard na naman ako to be sane when in fact my mind is running wild. Narealize ko na napapadalas ang gamit ko ng word na yan kahit na hindi ko naman talaga alam ang literal meaning nung word feeling ko lang mas okay na lang yan kaysa mag mura ako ng magmura. But going back to the word, sabi ko nga madalas as in madalas lalo na when it is referring to the plebes take this examples;

1. Ilang beses bang uulitin sa'yo na yung punyetang daliri na yan ay dapat laging magkadikit
2. Mahirap ba intindihin na may mga bagay na pwede namang ganito pero dahil nasa PMA kayo dapat gawin nyo kung paano ang tinuro. Mga punyeta kayo kung ayaw nyong makinig mag resign na kayo
3. Ano ka ba, nag iisip ka ba, punyetang luha yan hindi ka naman papatayin ng mga tao dito iyak ka ng iyak bakit awang awa ka na ba talaga sa sarili mo, pride lang kasi yan, punyetang pride yan.
4. Mga punyeta kayo, pag sinabi kong magplantsa ng uniporme magplantsa, hindi naman ako ang magususuot ng plantsadong pantalon at mas lalong wala akong mapapala kung makikita ng mga tao na kadeteng kadete ang mga suot nyong uniporme.

Forgive the language but that is how it is. But then hindi naman talaga yan ang nagtrigger kung bakit naisip ko yung word na yan ngayon ngayon lang. Ang totoo nagbabasa ako when I chanced upon reading a blog of a friend in friendster at sabi ko Punyeta to refer to something she is saying na parang weird. Actually hindi weird kundi, nakakainis lang for me... hay nako basta ganun as I said my mind is running wild and it will take sometime for me to be on a stage like yesterday when I wrote the two entries in quick succession. Well ito na muna... magandang gabi at huwag kayong mag alala hindi ko kayo sinasabihan ng punyeta :)

Lessons I learned

Sabi ko na eh hindi ko matitiis sarili ko, so I am writing another entry immediately after I wrote the one before this. Promise I will make sense.

I once struggled at trying to understand things about life. I believe all of us has gone through this stage but not many have really made up their minds of the answer to their questions about life. I can just reminisce how I use to soul search with Yas and wonder why things just turn bad despite of our sincere intent and honest labor for things to go as it should. But then it does not, we get frustrated over the outcome and sometimes, the hardest to stomach is that it was done by people that we thought would stay on our side. That was true for my father. My father's infidelity was not the hardest thing about having a broken family it was actually the fact that it was my father's doing, a person that I truly adored as a young boy back then. It is never easy to get in terms with the reality of people failing us by not doing their end of the bargain and just totally disregarding you despite of the effect their decisions will have on you. But then once we are able to understand the situation there are things that stand out, I guess these are my lessons and I'm sharing it now.

1. We will never be able to control things. What has happened has happened and there is no amount of tears, vengeance, frustrations, self-pity, blaming and all others that can change the situation. It is nice to really feel the sadness of the situation to be able to understand why it has to happen but dwelling on it is a dead end. We do not gain or change anything.
2. The only thing we can control in this world is ourselves. I remembered how people wonder why I can still smile when my mother died. I cried in secret but I smiled in front of people. I reasoned that it was up to me to decide how to react to any situation. If I allow it to control me then be it but our choice spells out the difference.
3. Our own happiness is our own doing, what we do with our lives will be our life. The people around us can just feel bad when we mess up but they will never suffer the outcome of the choices we make. As desiderate would put it "Strive to be happy."
4. Life is not to be understood, it is to be enjoyed and learned from. We will never be able to understand why things turn bad but the truth remains is that the situation has turned bad. Trying to crack our heads in understanding why bad things happen will just cause us more frustrations and more tears but it will never change the fact that the situations has turned bad. Although sad, we just have to accept reality and get on with our lives, it is never the end of the world and more people have more problems than we are encountering.
5. Finally, it always helps to pray. However we concieve God, life is always easier to deal with when we know that there is someone who controls everything that is happening in this world.

The rain and being quiet and hopeful

How do you explain waking up with a headache after being tired from all the preparations for inspection and then waking up 3 hours after? I felt something was wrong with me, something bad just happens when we overdo things even sleeping. And so even I chose to go to the computer to pass the time just to avoid sleeping again.

The day was normal except for the weather just did not start right. I thought the whole day would be sunshine since the morning was very nice with the sun coming out for the first time after several weeks of rain. But then as afternoon came, rain started to pour again as if the sky hated the fact that it allowed some sunshine during the morning. I hate the timing since if the rain was in the morning then the parade would have cancelled and I would be spared of standing for too long in the Borromeo Field with all the mud because of the never ending rain. But the good thing about the rain in the afternoon was that sleeping became so good to the point that I overslept and woke up with a headache. To some extent the rain can be good only if it stops once in a while.

And so I begin with the bulk of today's entry. Last night I was reading my daily devotional. It was about some writer in history that described the early Christians as a quiet and hopeful people. Quiet and hopeful may not be something that is admirable this days but that description struck me. Today's culture somehow has this inclination into admiring a group that is rich, fashionable or in a broader sense IN (whatever that means to people). That part in the devotional was about fruits of the spirit namely: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, long-suffering, faithfulness, kindness, and self control. It said that it was because of this fruits that the early Christians came to be known as a quiet and hopeful people. I guess that still doesn't make sense. Let me put things in perspective. First let us all remember that the early Christians were persecuted for what they believed in, yet they managed to be quiet and hopeful, ironic isn't it? If we try to think of the tremendous odds they were faced at that time, their group was large enough to at least protect themselves, show that they are something, yet they chose to be Quiet and Hopeful. I just realized that although we do not think highly of people who are quiet and hopeful, these two characteristics might just spell the difference between problematic people and people who are very much contented and above all happy. My realization last night was something that people might not look up to when faced with odds that seem to be insurmountable, yet by choosing to be quiet and hopeful spells out a very big difference. Just think about it.

Well, I'm ending this entry now I still have a lot of things in my mind but I'll just reserve it for next time. Thank you very much to all the people who sent in their messages.

The things that are happening

It took sometime for me to log-in. I had to find some way because the log-in page is just not loading. But anyway I am here now writing my piece.

A lot of things are happening right now. We are in the news again for the nth time and I do not want to comment about it let's leave the issue as it is. Anyway last weekend, Ces Drilon went here to cover one area in our training. We were not specifically told what it is but I reckon it was something related to Physical Development. We were given instruction to answer only questions related to this subject. With that in mind I began making mock interviews on the other cadets. I told them to imagine that I was a reporter, the mock interview goes like this:

Me: Cadet *_* ano ang masasabi mo sa relasyong Diether Ocampo at Kristine Hermosa?

Cadet *_*: Aba Maganda yan, ang feeling ko bagay sila.

Me: Mali ka di'ba ang sabi we are not to answer any question that is not related to Physical Development?

I asked several others and they all seem to be very interested to voice out their sentiments on the question I raised. I then started telling them that in year 2000, Kristine Hermosa was commissioned muse of PMA for the Baguio Educational Athletic League (its BBEAL now with the entry of Benguet State University to the League). That was the time when PMA still had money to pay actresses to become our muse. The year before that was Sunshine Cruz which was the height of her popularity brought about by movies like Ang Kabit ni Mrs. Montero with Edu Manzano and Gardo Versoza, and Ekis with Albert Martinez. That was before she was with Cesar Montano. I could remember it very clearly because my brother (who was a third year then) was one of the escorts and he showed me his picture with the actress. Of course, PMA now is more practical that was before the austerity measures were undertaken. In the last opening of the BBEAL that we hosted, the muses were our female cadets. I think that its better not only that it save us a lot of money but the muse also exemplifies the school that she represents, I don't think the likes of Kristine Hermosa or Sunshine Cruz can run 3.2 kilometers in less than 17 minutes.

Let me now explain my reason for removing my shout box. The reason I placed it there is to make the site interactive. When it first appeared there were a lot of reactions that made me improve in the way I write and other informations people want to know. Sadly, at the onset of people who do not like my ideas, it has instead become their way of expressing their gripes which sad to say are totally baseless. I guess some of them know me from before, the one who was discharged for "possessing unwanted traits and habits." That isn't something that I am proud of what I am proud of is what happened after that. I was then a young 17 year old with no care in the world who thought that life was something that came naturally. That story is of the past and has taught me lessons that I value now. The point is this the choose to attack me on the basis of who I am as a person rather than actually refuting the points I raised. If they really had something to say more than saying that I am some insecure person who hides behind my words why can't they make their own contentions and use the comment form? The issue I heard they are pointing out is the fact that I should not write things that put the academy in the bad light like the bad things I observe. While its true that I do not agree with how some of the things are done here, I do not agree with them not because I just want to but because I think these practices do not have a place in this institution. Although its true that PMA will not change for me but I am hoping that PMA will change for the better, better than I found it. Even in our society, we find things that we do not agree, yet we do not isolate ourselves from it, we either take action or become adamant to what is happening around us. I believe that being adamant is the coward's way and I refuse to be one. I do not need to prove anything to anybody, what I write is an outflow of what I feel inside, this is who I am. People may not necessarily agree with what I do or write but they do not have the slighest right to judge me for it, they do not know anything about me. The people that criticize me haven't even read the whole blog and yet they pretend they know everything about me. I am not seeking popularity, what I am after is respect and consideration. The bottomline is we all have something to contribute to make things better and I believe this is mine. Don't worry I will not launch some revolution, I'm doing what I can at my level and just maybe in the long run I am able to make something out of it.

Sunday will be 27 August the day the incoming PMA class of 2011 will take their entrance exams. The examinations will cover English Grammar and Comprehension, Math and a Special PMA Aptitude Test. For more information visit this site.

I guess that is all for now, for comments just click the comment form below.... thanks and God Bless

It has gone too far

The harrassment has gone too far and I do not wish to glorify their remarks in my shoutbox. If they have negative thoughts about me then they make their own blog and write everything they want to write about me they do not know a thing about who I am. I have them to thank for increasing traffic which is a good thing because I want to raise my rank at pinoytopblogs. If they really have valid points then they can talk sense by writing it in the comments after each entry that they find troubling other than that they are simply some insecure people who wants to be noticed by people at my expense, the form on the side is for your perusal. This is just an advisory. Thanks to all those who go to this blog.

Kawawang bata

My Top 10 best picks

I realized that I have been writing in this blog for the past 5 years of my life. I have written so many things on so many topics. I decided to highlight some of the articles that I think are best picks for me. Somehow, I believe by doing this my critiques will understand how this blog exists and be enlightened. Here are the top ten:

1. In my old blog I particularly like almost all entries (but I have to have favorites), it is not bookmarked so you will have to do the searching. I like the entry on my squad leader who became the class goat of 2003, its on the bottom part. Then those that I wrote in memory of my mother, and finally my confession on what really happened when I got discharged. And then there was this prediction I made that saying that I will go back to PMA.
2. May 2005 is a good one because it chronicled my struggle with Calculus. How I hate the fact that I am having a hard time coping up with the subject. And then declaring that I passed it
3. I like this one because there is so much energy and I know I was speaking from the heart.
4. This one is about my fondness for letters. I'm sharing my love for letter writing.
5. This blog entry brought in opinions but not as rude as the one coming out right now.
6. There is irony in this entry about the Naga trip last February but I like it just the same. There is something more in this story you can just look for it starting from the January entries of this year.
7. This is my testimony as a Christian
8. The very much loved Prosti Story this one was the original version of the one published in the Corps Magazine last June
9. Aptly titled My Frustrations, but as I always said it does not mean that I hate it here, can you blame me for being frustrated at times?
10. And finally the July and August entries that brought in several critiques.

Well, somehow the entries I highlighted are different in a variety of ways. All in all the blog is a journal of the last 5 years of my life, it wasn't easy but it was a very worthwhile learning experience. I think the blog allows me to reflect on the things that have happened and be thankful that I am still on my feet with head raised high. I am able to appreciate everything and continue to be hopeful of the things that are still to come in our lives.

A message of Hope

I started to write something earlier but it just didn't make sense so I am writing all over again. I think the things that happened to me this past days are quite exciting so the story begins.

Rain has not stopped since several days ago but life continues. Last Saturday, we were host to the opening of the Baguio-Benguet Educational Athletic League (BBEAL) and people were just everywhere. Unfortunately, I was not able to witness the event as I was involved in another activity, I was a contestant for the Impromptu Speaking Contest representing my company. There was also a debate tournament so that occupied me for the whole day. Again there were other guests and somehow it was a different atmosphere since there was practically no duty for the whole day. When I went back to barracks that night I was tired but was greeted by a pleasant surprise, I received copies of the Starfish Magazine from my friend. As I was about to sleep, so many thoughts lingered inside my head realizing that I had to do something. That something will be my blog today.

The Starfish Magazine is published by the Ayala Young Leader's Alliance. I believe the initial intention of the magazine was for it to become a mouthpiece for those who have attended the Ayala Young Leader's Congress. When I talked with my friend the last time I was in Manila, he said that it is now a magazine that aims to empower the youth. It is in fact the first magazine to become one. Just like before, it featured articles about lives of real people, going through tough circumstances and coming out of the situation better and even using their life to inspire others. I remembered something that Randy David once wrote saying something about our only hope is to cling to hope; I guess the magazine just provides hope. It highlights people, ordinary people actually, that went out of their way to do something and make a difference. In the issue I received, there was this story of a Pastor, who ran away from his hometown in Davao at 13. He met and experienced the cruelty of life finally giving up and returning home. There he met God, lived a new life and became a pastor. Now, he is a missionary in Cambodia sharing his life bringing a message of hope, a message that he learned when he was faced with difficult circumstances in his life. That is the message of the magazine... a message of HOPE.

Last year, I was part of the Academy's information drive. The goal was to advertise PMA to all places to attract prospective cadets. In the schools that I visited there were all sorts of question, questions that some may consider useless but were intriguing. I wondered why almost all of them just felt that going and surviving in PMA is hard. And then I went on to become a Squad Leader, with plebes that are young, very young if I may say. One of them was a seventeen year old from Cagayan de Oro City. Every now and then I find him at the brink of crying obviously trying his best to cope up with the difficulty he is experiencing. Then one time out of the blue, I thought of letting him see my pictures when I was a plebe. I could see how fascinated he was when he saw my pictures doing what he was doing. I told him stories of how I coped up with my own plebehood and told him that it was just a matter of time and soon everything will all be over. I guess in all this experiences, there was something that stood out, it was obviously the message of Hope. in the schools that I went to during the information drive, the students were in awe of what we were telling them yet there was this feeling that you were doing something to their spirit. I felt that as I was telling them everything about PMA, I was also giving them that hope of being someone better that who they are or being great. With my squadmate, I could sense that although he was still going through so much hardship, his spirit was renewed. Although he still cries now, you can see his enthusiasm in trying to do his best to cope up and I think it is on the belief that all will come to pass. I was being a carrier of hope.

I for one would say that I am in a position better than many people out there. I have free education, a bright career in the future and other privileges. But I also know that not many can say that about themselves. I heard of people who gave up on life (like Jopay the prostitute), people who compromised their principles because nothing good is just happening. I realized that the contribution I can do right now is to deliver the message of hope. It is a message that does not need anything but only a sincere heart that has endured the realities of life and came out a winner. I learned that the most basic thing we can do is to give out this message to renew their spirits. Each of us can do something it may be small it may be big but right now I know that the message of hope is one of it.

We will have an effect on people even without trying. I am praying that our effect will be something that will give them hope and renew their spirits.

My Great Vacation

There are so many things I thought of blogging today. After swimming 750 meters on a very rainy day with fog all over things just made sense and suddenly my mind was clear and I am ready to write again. I went back to my room to find the Philippine Star. I was able to read Jessica Zafra's column about the trips that she did with her sister who was married recently and I remembered the trip that I took a few years back. Me and my dad fondly called it the Great Vacation for it was spent inside a van, across 16 provinces, 6 barge rides and thousands of kilometers.

Daddy had long been talking about doing something. Like me, he is not the type of person who enjoys staying at home. Even if he has no money, he'd rather see new places than be a home buddy. The year was 2003. It was summer and we embarked on our grand vacation. Our team was basically everyone in the family. My father, me and my other 5 siblings, my step mother, our driver and one house help. We all cramped inside our van, with me as the navigator seated in front, we travelled across the country for a great adventure.

From our house in Makati, we went south, passing through Laguna, Lucena until finally reaching Legazpi City by eight in the evening. We had dinner at the Provincial Headquarters where Daddy's classmate was Provincial Director. Originally, the plan was to sleep over and then proceed to our next destination so that we can see Mayon Volcano at daytime. But my stepmother was excited. She wants to reach Samar the next day so after taking a little rest, we started travelling again towards Matnog, Sorsogon where we will take our first barge to Allen, Samar. By morning, everyone around us were already Waray-speaking and we encountered our first problem. Something in the brake of the car got damaged and it was unsafe to travel. Still very tired, we slept inside the van while waiting for it to be repaired. After about 3 hours, it was finally fixed and we headed towards Catbalogan. In Catbalogan, we were greeted by a family friend that was originally based in Cebu. They gave us a sumptous lunch and then we went on our way to my stepmother's hometown, Motiong. The thing that caught my attention going there was the big shell that stood in the middle of the road like a monument or something. I learned later that in that place their industry was the cultivation of that shell (its a tahong actually... a BIIIIIG tahong). In Motiong, we finally were able to get some good night's rest where we were able to lie down a decent bed. We also had the opportunity to take a dip at their spring. It was really fun and I saw a cross dressing gay who was more beautiful than my sister (forgive me sis, that's the truth). We then travelled to Leyte passing through San Juanico Bridge. We visited some sites in Tacloban before finally heading to Ormoc to catch the barge going to Cebu. We spent the night aboard the barge and we were able to meet another family who was also travelling across the country in their van. I just realized that our idea was not an original one, who knows who else were using their van to travel across the country. In Cebu, we finally touched down to familiar territory my father being assigned there for the longest time and speaking a dialect that all of us speak. Since Cebu was no longer that interesting, we just took our breakfast and proceeded to Toledo City. From there we took another Barge going to San Carlos City, Daddy's hometown. We spend several days in San Carlos meeting our cousins and of course, hanging out at my uncles restobar, we got drunk, had some fun and then we were off again, our next destination, Boracay.

Leaving San Carlos was a whole new thing. We had more people and we were now in two vehicles. Apparently, our other relatives also want to go to Boracay so they went with us. Our team now had my other brother who was already in San Carlos, my three cousins, my Aunt and my Lolo. We left at dawn towards Bacolod arriving 2 hours later while the sun was still not out. I haven't been to Bacolod since I was in Elementary so it was surreal to go there again and listen to Ilonggos around me. We took another barge to Ilo-ilo and then started our way towards Ibajay, the Home of my Ancestors. It is interesting that in this place one baranggay is mostly composed of people who bear my family name, the baranggay can actually be renamed to our family name and noone will complain. We said our greetings to the close relatives we have there and then we went to Malay, Aklan our springboard to Boracay. It wasn't the first time that we went to Boracay, having relatives from Aklan and Daddy being assigned as Batallion Commander based in Aklan, we took advantage of it. We swum, went sightseeing on foreigners sun bathing topless (we even saw one group of Japanese women swimming naked) and of course roamed around like no other. After a two days, we went back to San Carlos to attend my uncle's festival in nearby Sipaway Island (its Refugio Island in the map). It was from there thatI realized how fun it is to take pictures. There were just so many things that the camera can capture. I was interested but did not know anything about photography. I enjoyed taking the pictures only to find out that the picture I took lack the skill of a good photographer. From that initial experience, I vowed to learn about the art and two years later I was the official photographer for my uncle's body painting contest (you can go to this site to find some of the picture I took including my uncle's talent). The festival was fantastic, with live bands, an adventure race and a whole night of dancing and getting drunk. The next day we were so tired but happy of course. I chose to be left there while the rest of my family, went back to Manila through Mindoro, Batangas and back to Makati.

I do not know if I gave justice to how wonderful that trip was. It took me and my family to different places, places that we've never been to and had fun. It was a period where we bonded as a family and had a grand time spending time with each other and enjoying the beauty of the places we've been to. When I have my own family I would want to take another trip like that. The immediate plans that I have right now with my cousin in San Carlos is to travel around Negros. I'm hoping that if I can go on break by October ( I wish, please pray for this people) we might just do this one. For the meantime I will have to end this entry now and wait for something to happen again to put me in the mood to write another of my wacky ideas....

Amusing Blogs: Bananaspin

Hanna is my friend. I guess even if we only saw each other for about 5 times we are by all means friends. Her blog is Bananaspin, she does not update as often as I do but she does write some interesting things every now and then. Like this time she wrote about her Discovery Weekend with her soon to be husband and somehow I just can't help it but cry. Not because her story is so sad but because her story is so good that I wish I had the same. Amusing is not exactly the word to describe her blog, it's more like my blog, very personal, straight from the heart. Just forgive my choice of word because I have always used Amusing as a safe way to say that there is something in this blogs that I feature. Nonetheless, Hanna is a great person with a big heart and her blog reveals that... enjoy reading

Getting the grip of the situation

As I arrived from class earlier going back to my room, my roommates asked me, "gusto mo pa bang magkadete?"

I was surprised by the question until I found three delinquency reports on my study table, all of which, if awarded, will surely threaten my stay here... and so I blog.

Most people really do not know my reasons why I'm here. Even if they get the notion that I do not like being here because I write my frustrations every now and then and it seems that all I do is to gripe about my very presence in this place, I do like it here. As a young child I dreamed about being here, graduating and becoming a soldier, in fact I can imagine myself being gray and old wearing a soldier's uniform. My frustrations are just like any normal people's frustrations, lawyers who sometimes hate going to court rooms, teachers who wants to murder their "beloved" students and all other frustrations. I guess no matter how much we like any situation there are just times that we feel bad about it and we device our own ways to handle this emotions. Some people do not recover and they become frustrated forever. And so the incident this morning just made me fell bad. I already saw it coming but its just different when its actually there. Suddenly my fifty seven thousand miracle(basta read it, it's there) plays inside my head, my war with calculus becomes a fleeting struggle and my experience with my squadmates all becomes futile. I really do not know what my fate will be, it's now down to the wisdom of my Tactical Officer, as always I am optimistic that I have done my best and that I was never a failure in the privilege that I was given... Lord God... Help me.

The point is life is testing me now and although I am still hopeful for the good things to come I just can not help it but feel sad that I have to be in this situation. To my critiques, now is not the time to harrass me... and to people who adore me (I know there are... thanks a lot) please pray....

Search and discover

I do not know if many people have the same habit as I have but sometimes there are things that I do that maybe weird to some. But this habit although I find it weird can lead to some discoveries that are quite amazing. This is my habit that I will call search and discover.

When I'm bored surfing the internet, I go to popular search pages and just search random thoughts that I have. Oftentimes, I search names of people discover interesting things about people. Personally, I think friendster was a hit because we get to find people that we have lost touch and it's just fun when we find out the things that happened to them. From this thought, I tried searching people in google or yahoo and these are some discoveries I made.

1. That my mom was actually the first woman to join the Corps of Professor as a Probationary 2nd Lieutenant in the late 70's. She met my father as a teacher in PMA and the rest is History. I got this when I searched my mother's name.
2. That I have a relative who founded a Martial Arts School in the United States. I later learned from my father that these relatives of ours migrated to long time ago from Aklan. Using my last name as a keyword, most of the results are related to this Martial Arts School.
3. That my gay friend from Silliman University is now an executive Assistant to the Mayor of Tacloban City, I do not know if he still is now but according to the newspage I found, he still wears his trademark scarf and still is gay. I haven't seen him since 1999
4. That my father was recently in a news bulletin from Reuters (social!!!), I do not know what is it about but it's there.

There are still a lot actually and I do not remember all of them, the point is the internet has so much content that it saturates even the minutest detail of our existence. Well, you can just try your own search and see what you'll discover. Have fun people...

Sad thigns that happen and the reaction

I am sorry to stir up various opinions in the things that I write, I do not wish to be confrontational so I let it be, let us just respect that we do not believe on the same things. The whole point is if you do not agree with what I write, then don't read it, I do not wish to continously defend myself and betray the REAL reason why this blog exists. This is first and foremost a personal blog not some literary folio that espouses idealism, I am ideal but that is not the whole point.

I wanted to vent out my frustration of a recent thing that happened to me, not about this blog but about what happened to me in real life. As I was walking towards the computer laboratory I was just plain and simple, sad. I was sad because I feel that my life is hanging on to something that is so fragile. I realize now that I can not divulge all the details but the situation is just so frustrating, again it is not because of the reactions on this blog its on my life. I thought that everything was very fine, things are happening the way it should be and life was normal and then it changed like a snap of a finger.

I was tired, after enduring many kilometers of running early in the morning, I just wanted to sleep. When one becomes really tired, the tendency is to become careless and as I doze off, I forgot to fix something and then all hell broke loose. Suddenly I find myself contemplating on what to do to fix the situation, but to no avail, all I can do is to hope for the best. Life can provide some twist that we never really do not expect. Sometimes, when we think that life is happening the way we thought it should, we become stupid and then we fall. That is how it happened, and in the next succeeding days I will wait closely what the effect of my stupidity will make out of me. I will just wait... and hope and hope some more.

Again people, I appeal to those who visit my site, I am not forcing you to believe on what I write, if we happen to have differences on ideas it does not make any of us lesser of a person, we are still who we are. If you read what I write, do not harrass me because I did not force you to read it, the best that you can do is to consider my point, if you think it is some useless crap then forget about what you read, now if you really really feel that you should react, write something after the article we call COMMENTS... that the reason why its there. If you still can not sleep at night then launch a hate campaign against me. The whole point of this is expression, just as I will allow you to express yourself, then give me the same respect please... I beg you.... please please

I choose to define myself

How many of us bother to define ourselves and stand by it? The recent attack on my precious blog somehow led me to conclude not many, at least in the Philippine Military Academy. We claim that we are the best and the brightest, the future leaders of the land yet we never bother to analyze the truth behind it... or is it just a perception that we try to ride on, take advantage of simply because we are the so called cadets of the Philippine Military Academy.

For the purpose of academic discussion, let me discuss the things that I know about how things are supposed to be done and how people of my institution act. This is not some expert opinion, I may be wrong, but this is just an analysis of why people act the way they are and why it shouldn't be the case.

As early as plebe year (first year) the message is clear, obedience is paramount. As a plebe you are expected to carry out all orders coming from your chain of command and not question it. When you become a yearling (second year) you are given responsibilities and no matter how obedience was emphasized the year before, it can not be the case for you know that you are required to accomplish a certain task. As a secondclass (third year) the responsibility becomes greater for now you are entrusted with the training of the underclass cadets. Finally, when you become a firstie (fourth year) the whole organization revolves around how you want things to be done.

The significant difference in all the levels as a cadet is basically on the amount of responsibility that you are entrusted with. At the lowest level when your responsibility is basically to see to it that you survive training, following is the best way to do it. But in the succeeding years, choices had to be made and you must define yourself. If not, you will be swallowed by the system and you will never learn to do what you are supposed to do. So the question goes, how does waiting until you become fit in? You wait because at each level responsibility gradually increases. You wait for the time where you will be able to stand up for your principles and correct what you find wrong and do the right thing. To do the wrong thing even if you know that it is wrong is simply stupidity and obviously a betrayal of what we have learned as cadets. In the end, it is not really about adapting to the system but making a difference within the system. We are the best because we are SUPPOSED to be the light inside the system that has been constantly plagued by corruption. We are leaders because we are to lead our subordinates in what is supposed to be done and not just accept what has been handed down to us by our predecessors. We are leaders because we owe it to the Filipino people.

Like many of the people out there, even non cadets, I too am uncertain of the things ahead. I, too, hope that what I do now will prepare me for the greater challenges afterwards. But I stand on what I do know. I stand on the reality of the situation I am in and do what I think I should do. I do not judge people because that is how the perceive things, but simply because we do not agree on our perception does not necessarily mean that the other is wrong, for all we know we may all be right... or wrong. History will judge our actions now and I am believing that history will judge me fairly.

To my critiques, if you do not agree with me, so be it, do what you are supposed to do, you do not own me so do not control me, don't read what I write, don't visit my blog and if you want to launch a campaign against my blog-- do it, harrassing me is simply being coward... I'm sorry but that is just how it is. Kayo lang din ang maeendorse...

Harrassment!!!

The image you see in the right is an entry from my shoutbox that I deleted, it's lame but there is more to that and I am to write it down in a little while.

The last entry about the lessons that I learned was about an incident that happened a few hours before I wrote it. It was something that should not be written and do not intend to write about believing that the other people concerned will be mature enough not to act stupid and embarrass themselves in the world wide web. But I guess SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST STUPID that they'd rather declare it to the whole world than shut their mouths so that people will not notice. It is sad to say that I received some threat to the ideas that I write in this blog. I am very aware that many people read this blog, others follow what happened to stories I told and others find something in the ideas that are presented but none so far who'd go as far as harrassing the author.

This people do not understand what is the point to this and I just hope they read this for the benefit of their small brains. This blog is an evolution of expression from the lowest part of my life when I was a frustrated discharged ex PMA cadet wishing to go back, to the fulfillment of that wish and still a continuing struggle of trying to make good and do something out of my life. It is a testament of how one person's dream can actually illustrate the beauty of life according to the way I see the world. This is not just some insistent ranting that cultivates hatred, disobedience and deliberate defiance to existing norms. Rather, this is a chronicle of what transpires in a normal person's life who happens to find himself inside the halls of the country's premier military institution, the Philippine Military Academy. I believe that I earned my place as a competent writer not just speaking of nonsense but of ideas that are based on my own perception of truth and what really matters in this world. I admit that I do not have the monopoly of ideas, nor do I have the wisdom that never falters. But I also assert that my ideas are just as good as other rational people and they do not have the slightest right to stop me from expressing this ideas. We may not necessarily agree on the actuations of cadets or soldiers in general and there is no fault in that, the wrongdoing comes when they harrass me just because we do not agree on certain issues. I do not care if people will think that I am some self centered individual who has this obsession in writing ideas, nor does it matter to me that people hate me for it. The truth remains that I am putting all these ideas for the whole world to see because I believe in the beauty of life, if they can't handle that then I beg them not to go to this blog (it's really that simple if you just tried to mind your own business) But of course, they are the protectors of cadet actuation, they insist that cadets always have to act in a certain way and the saddest of it all is that they insist that they should act in a manner that they dictate.

Well people, I do not wish to add more fuel to this conflict, I am hoping that they stop harrassing me and just mind their own business. The lesson about this whole experience is simple, we just can not please everybody. We all have our now individual characteristics, traits that make us unique. We are this way because this is how God has planned to use us for His will. The writer in me defines who I am and I believe this is how I am to be used. How? I do not know but in time I know I will.

For all those who visit my site every now and then, thank you very much and I hope somehow the purpose of this blog is attained. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

Lessons for the day

I am still not in the mood in writing something that happened today but I am willng to share lessons that I learned. Here it is:

1. Never say that something is wrong just because you do not agree with it
2. Never conclude anything, always understand that people do not think the way you do and people do not have the same values and personality that you have
3. You will never be able to please everyone so do not bother, do what you think is right
4. Courage is not always how we percieve it, all people are courageous in their own way
5. Our belief on things are useless if we do not stand by it, even to our seniors
6. Professionalism is not about how people are its about how people do the job they are expected to do
7. To have opinions is but human
8. As always everything, good or bad, is a learning experience
9. Rank does not only have privileges more than that it has RESPONSIBILITIES
10. Coward people are those who take advantage of other people's helplessness
11. All the good intentions will be lost to one mistake in making your point

I can write a book about this but I guess reflecting on events that happen can be a source of wisdom. To the two people who taught me these lessons today, thank you and I hope you too leaned your lessons. For those who would want to know what happened, I promise to write about it in due time, I'm just not in the mood to tell stories at this time.

Ego trips... a shame

How a person handles authority says so much of what kind a person he or she is. This is my observation as I go about trying to conforme with the hierarchy that has been set to us as cadets here in PMA. I had this line of thought, after being involved with an upperclass who just wants to prove to himself that he is someone of authority. Power can corrupt and this is very rampant in some of the cadets here that will become the "future leaders of the land."

I came from a class in Ethics and since the weather was so cold, I rushed to the comfort room to take a leak. Most of my classmates also did and in a matter of minutes the comfort room was full of my classmates. But then there was something different, I could here from the background as I was urinating greetings from my classmates, obviously there was someone more senior to us inside. I noticed that the upperclass was somewhere near the mirror and as I was about to leave I said my greetings to acknowledge his presence in the room. A little while, as I was standing near the room for my next class, a classmate told me that the upperclass wants me to report to him during my open time. I figured it was about the greeting, maybe he did not hear me. During the class, I tried to think about what happened whether or not I should report to him. When the class ended, I was still not sure only to meet him in the stairway, telling me again to report to him. I asked what is it about and he started yelling at me saying that I should not ask. So I decided, he will have to fetch me before I even think of reporting to him. I reasoned that if it was some important thing, he could just tell me what it is so that I could see the importance of me having to see him. I believe it was just some ego trip, something common to cadets who are unable to handle authority in a mature way.

This is a common thing. Most of the time, upperclassmen think that because they are more ranking, they can order anything to their subordinates sometimes to the point that they already violate the person. My rationale is simple, the reason why I am an upperclass is because I have people under me. Without them I am nothing, so it is my responsibility to take care of them, not order them around as if I am some God that they should follow. Although obedience is taught to us, there is a clear distinction between being stupid and being obedient. Even in the military, I believe it is justified not to follow a useless order, such as reporting to an upperclass simply because he wants to impress upon me the value of greeting. The next time I see him, I will greet him at the top of my voice just to make sure he hears it. In our present culture of cadets, we have focused more on the privileges of rank rather than the reponsibilities of it. In so doing, as each cadet is promoted to higher ranks his competence declines. The best uniform is worn by the most junior cadet. The reason is simple, the higher the class, the more powerful you get and those below you can not do anything even if you wear the most shabby uniform. This then sends the message to the underclassmen that when they earn more rank, they can stop being snappy. And the cycle continues. In the end cadets do not develop the sense of responsibility and all they do is to ego trip, order other cadets just so they can validate that they are more powerful. It' as if the stripes and the chevrons that they wear is not enough.

This is the reality of immaturity, of people who do not value responsibility, of people who are simply wasting all the money and effort allocated for them to become "military officers as values centered individuals dedicated to a selfless service to the AFP and the nation." I am hoping that some of the cadets will just read what I am writing. I do not wish to be preachy, but obviously something has to be done. Protocol dictates that I have to wait until I become, I can not caution my upperclass, I can just make sure that his bad attitude will not be handed down to my generation and to those who will follow after me. I just heard that the upperclass is hunting me down, I hope he finds me and a confrontation erupts so that I can just tell him how stupid he is. As for me, I will just take note of the lessons I have to learn and remember not to stoop down to his level, I pity him to think he'll graduate in 7 months... well the world is just not perfect.

Amusing Blogs: That Girl Emily

The image on top is an actual billboard. Believe it or not, it is part of a wife's revenge on her cheating husband. I do not know if this is something to laugh at but this is true. In this blog, a girl named Emily made launched 14 days of revenge against her cheating husband. All 14 days are chronicled in this blog... you should see it, it's amusing if not hilarious....